I was carer for my parents. When my mother was dying I was alone caring for her. Every night when my sister took over for an hour or so I drove to a service station and had a Costa coffee. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep and everything was safe I drove there at three or four in the morning for coffee.
Then things got worse and I couldn't leave the house. These end days blurred. My mother had the strength and courage of a Titan. She had the humour and love till the end. She was amazing. I was existing on coffee. I was on seven espressos before eight am.
My only respite was washing up. I used to turn on my internet radio and carefully washed up. Dishes have never been washed so perfectly. Being able to focus totally on something trivial is a wonderful distraction at times like this.
And I listened to UFO radio, and conspiracy theory providers on the Internet.
I'm not sure why I turned my attention to this sort of thing I had no interest in this sort of thing. I think I wasn't in the mood for music and I didn't want to think about real news and the real horror it brings.
And I'm grateful for these purveyors of woo and insanity. Really. Every time I listened it made me angry. Lies, stupidity and crap poured forth to try to pursuade and rip off the listener. Now I'm not a blinkered sceptic but the sheer idiocy of these programmes was shocking.
Anyone with half a brian could see the 'facts' they report was untrue. Even minor research shows it is based on lies, misinterpretation, and the rubbish work of others.
As for the conspiracy theory wonks. It's scary.
I would love it if they were true. They aren't but it would make things interesting which can be fun. More than this if they did exist I would not be angry or have my world shattered. Reality is reality you'd learn to live with reality whatever it is.
But want really made me angry, apart from the rampant antisemitism, encouragement of violence and hatred, is that unscrupulous shysters vomited lies to con the culpable to make money.
I hate that.
However I am grateful for the anger these con artists/deluded instilled in me. At a time of blurring and heartbreak spending a couple of moments getting riled and angry was a wonderful distraction.
The thing that sticks how old the woo purveyors seem to be. Especially in those spouting UFO theories: they are old. In many cases they are in their late 60's or 70's.
Where is the young blood?
Ghost/demon hunting tend to be the younger crowd, as does anti-government/Jews elements. To my innocent mind the deluded or cynical follow the money and ghosts and such like are trendy and attract cash unlike ufos.
So UFOs and MUFON seems to have become the bastion of the elderly.
Isn't this a tad odd if ufos and aliens are all around us?
And yet the anger was a godsend in a horrible part of my life.